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Who are the apostles?

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GRM 210.1-7 · Volume 3

The Gospel as revealed to me

Quotation

«I do not suppose you wish to make a pilgrimage to all the known places in Israel» says the Iscariot ironically. He is discussing in a group where there are Mary of Alphaeus and Salome together with Andrew and Thomas.

«Why not? Who forbids us?» asks Mary of Clopas.

«I do. My mother has been waiting for me for such a long time…»

«Well go to your mother. We will reach you later» says Salome and she seems to be adding mentally: «No one will miss you.»

«Certainly not! I am going with the Master. Contrary to what had been arranged, Mary is not coming. And that should not have been done to me, because I was promised She would come.»

«She stopped at Bethzur for a good reason. That woman was really unhappy.»

«Jesus could have cured her at once, without making her recover gradually. I do not know why He is no longer fond of working outstanding miracles.»

«He must have holy reasons for doing what He did» states Andrew calmly.

210.2

«Of course! And He thus loses proselytes. Our stay at Jerusalem, what a disappointment it was! The more there is need for high-flown things, the more He crouches in the dark. I intended so much to see, to fight…»

«Excuse my question… But what did you want to see and with whom did you intend to fight?» asks Thomas.

«What? Who? But I wanted to see His miracles and then make head against those who say that He is a false prophet or possessed. Because that is what they say, see? They say that if Beelzebub does not support Him, He is a poor wretch. And since Beelzebub’s whimsical disposition is well known and we know that he delights in taking and leaving, as a leopard does with its prey, and that this mentality is justified by facts, I become impatient when I think that He does nothing. We are cutting a lovely figure! The apostles of a Master… Who does nothing but teach… that is undeniable, but nothing else.» Judas’ abrupt pause after the word «Master» makes the others think he was about to say something nasty.

The women are horrified and Mary of Alphaeus, being a relative of Jesus’, says frankly: «I am not surprised at that, but I am astonished that He puts up with you, boy!»

But Andrew, the ever meek Andrew, loses his temper and blushing, very much like his brother just this once, says furiously: «Go away! And you won’t cut any more bad figures because of the Master! And who asked you to come? He called us. Not you. You had to insist several times to be accepted. You imposed yourself. I do not know who keeps me from reporting everything to the others…»

«One can never talk to you. They are right when they say you are quarrelsome and ignorant people…»

«Well, to tell you the truth, neither do I understand how you can say that the Master made a mistake. Neither did I know of the whimsical disposition of the Demon. Poor thing! He must certainly be odd. Had he been intelligent he would not have rebelled against God. But I will take note of that» teases Thomas to avert the approaching storm.

«Don’t jest, because I am serious. Can you perhaps say that He attracted attention in Jerusalem? Also Lazarus said so…»

Thomas breaks into a hearty laugh. Then, still laughing, and his laughter has already disconcerted Judas, he says: «He has not done anything? Go and ask the lepers at Siloam and Hinnom. That is: You will not find anyone at Hinnom, because they were all cured. If you were not there, because you were in a hurry to go to… your friends, and consequently you do not know, that does not prevent the valleys of Jerusalem and many more places from resounding with the hosannas of the lepers cured» concludes Thomas seriously.

210.3

And he continues sternly: «You suffer from bile trouble, my friend. And thus you taste bitter and see green everywhere. It must be a recurring disease with you. And believe me, it is not very pleasant to live with one like you. You must change. I will not tell anybody anything, and if these good women will listen to me, they will be quiet as well, and so will Andrew. But you must change. You must not think that you have been disappointed because there is no disappointment. Neither are you necessary because the Master knows what to do by Himself. Don’t you try to be the Master’s master. And if for that poor woman of Eliza He acted thus, it means that that was the right thing to do. Let snakes hiss and spit as they like. Don’t go to the trouble of acting as a broker between them and Him and above all do not think that you lower yourself by being with Him. Even if He did not cure a simple thing such as a cold in the future, He is always powerful. His word is a continuous miracle. And set your mind at rest. We have no archers behind us! Don’t worry, we will succeed in convincing the world that Jesus is Jesus. And be quiet, if Mary promised to come to your mother’s, She will come. In the meantime we will go round this beautiful part of the country, it is our work! And why not? Let us make the women disciples happy by going to visit Abraham’s tomb, his tree and Jesse’s sepulchre and… what else did you say?»

«They say that this is the place where Adam lived and where Abel was killed…»

«The usual useless tales!» grumbles Judas.

«In one hundred years’ time they will also say that the Grotto of Bethlehem and many other things were a tale!

210.4

But excuse me! You wanted to go to that stinking cave at Endor, which you must agree did not belong to a holy cycle; don’t you think so? And they have come here where they say there is the blood and the ashes of saints. Endor brought us John and who knows…»

«What a handsome acquisition John is!» scoffs the Iscariot.

«His face isn’t, no. But in his soul he may be better than we are.»

«What? With his past!»

«Be quiet. The Master said that we are not to remember it.»

«Lovely! If I did any such things, I wonder whether you would not remember them!»

«Goodbye, Judas. You had better be by yourself. You are too cross. I wish I knew what is the matter with you!»

«What is the matter with me, Thomas? The trouble is that I see that we are being neglected to the advantage of strange newcomers. And I see that everybody is preferred to me. And I also notice how He waits until I am away to teach you how to pray. And do you expect me to be happy with such a situation?»

«No, I don’t. But may I point out that if you had come with us for the Passover Supper you would have been on the Mount of Olives as well with us, when the Master taught us the prayer. I do not see how we are neglected because of any strange newcomer. Are you referring to the poor innocent boy? Or because unhappy John is with us?»

«Because of both of them. Jesus hardly ever speaks to us now. Look at Him even now… He is loitering over there, talking and talking to the boy. He will have to wait a long time before He can put him among the disciples! And the other one will never be a disciple. He is too proud, too learned, too hardened, with bad tendencies. And yet: “John here, John there”…»

«Father Abraham, help me to bear this in patience!!! And in what do you think the Master prefers others to you?»

«Do you not see that even now? When it was time to leave Bethzur, after stopping to teach three shepherds who could have very well been taught by Isaac, whom does He leave with His mother? Me? you? No. He leaves Simon. An old man who can hardly speak!…»

«But the little he says is always said right» retorts Thomas, who is now alone because the women and Andrew have gone away and are walking fast in front of them as if they wished to get past a stretch of the road where the sun is very warm.

210.5

The two apostles have become so excited that they do not hear Jesus coming, because the noise of His footsteps is completely muffled by the dust of the road. But if He makes no noise, the two are shouting as loud as ten people and Jesus can hear. Behind Him there are Peter, Matthew, the two cousins of the Lord, Philip and Bartholomew and the two sons of Zebedee with Marjiam between them.

Jesus says: «You are right, Thomas. Simon speaks little, but the little he says is always right. His mind is placid and his heart honest. And above all he has a great goodwill. That is why I left him with My Mother. He is a true reliable man and at the same time knows how to live, he has suffered and is old. Therefore – I am saying this because I suppose there is someone who thinks My choice was unfair – therefore he was the most suitable to remain. Judas, I could not allow My Mother to be left alone near a poor woman who is still ill. And it was just that I should leave Her. My Mother will complete the work that I started. But I could not leave Her with My brothers, or with Andrew, James or John, or with you. If you do not understand the reason, I do not know what to say…»

«Because She is Your Mother, She is young, beautiful, and people…»

«No! People will always have filth in their thoughts, on their lips and hands and particularly in their hearts, dishonest people who see their sentiments in everybody else; but I am not concerned with their mud. It falls off by itself, when it is dry. But I preferred Simon because he is old and he would not remind the desolate woman too much of her dead sons. You young men would have recalled them with your youth… Simon knows how to watch without being noticed, he never demands anything, he understands and can control himself. I could have taken Peter. Who would be better than he near My Mother? But he is still too impulsive. You know that I tell him openly, and he takes no offence. Peter is sincere, and he loves sincerity even to his own detriment. I could have taken Nathanael. But he has never been to Judaea before. Simon instead knows the country well and he will be valuable in bringing My Mother to Kerioth. He knows where your country house and the town house are and he will not…»

210.6

«But… Master!… But is Your Mother really coming to mine?»

«We said so. And when you say something, you do it. We shall proceed slowly, stopping to evangelize these villages. Do you not want Me to evangelize Your Judaea?»

«Of course, Master!… But I believed… I thought… »

«Above all you were causing yourself a lot of trouble through your own imagination. By the second phase of the moon of Sivan we shall all be at your mother’s. We, that is also My Mother and Simon. For the time being She is evangelizing Bethzur, a Judaean town, as Johanna is evangelizing Jerusalem with the assistance of a girl and a priest who was previously a leper, as Lazarus with Martha and old Ishmael are evangelizing Bethany, as Juttah is evangelized by Sarah and I am sure that your mother speaks of the Messiah at Kerioth, You cannot certainly say that I have left Judaea without voices. On the contrary, although it is more narrow-minded and stubborn than any other region, I have given it the sweetest voices, the voices of women, beside those of Isaac, a holy man, and of Lazarus, a friend of Mine. A woman knows how to use words with the subtle art of a woman, a mistress in leading souls to where she wants. Are you not speaking any more? Why are you almost weeping, you big moody boy? What is the use of poisoning yourself with shadows? Have you still any reason to be upset? Tell Me! Speak up…»

«I am bad… and You are so good. Your goodness always strikes me, because it is always so fresh and so new… I… I can never tell when I am going to find it on my way.»

«You are right. It is not possible for you to know. Because it is neither fresh nor new. It is eternal, Judas. It is omnipresent, Judas…

210.7

Oh! We are near Hebron and Mary, Salome and Andrew are waving their hands to us. Let us go. They are speaking to some men. They must be asking where the historical places are. Your mother is becoming young again by this recollection, my dear brother!»

Judas Thaddeus smiles at his Cousin and Jesus smiles back.

«We are all becoming young!» says Peter. «I seem to be at school once again. But this is a lovely school! Much better than Elisha’s, the grumbler. Do you remember him, Philip? What did we not do to him! Remember the story of the tribes? “Say the towns of the tribes!”; “You did not say them in chorus… Repeat them…”; “Simon, you look like a sleeping frog. You are left behind. Start all over again”. O dear! My head was full of names of towns and villages of bygone days, and I knew nothing else. Instead here, one really learns! Do you know, Marjiam? One of these days your father will be going to sit his exams, now that he has learned…»

They all laugh while going towards Andrew and the women.

Detail

André intervenes in 210.2, but it is Thomas in particular who will speak with Judas from EMV 210.2 to 210.4 inclusive.

Mary of Alphaeus and Mary of Salome take part in the conversation, but they slip away with Andrew in 210.4 as the conversation heats up between the two apostles. They are mentioned again in 210.7 with Simon Peter's brother.

Annotation

Mary of Cleophas: Mary, daughter of Cleophas and wife of Alphaeus. In Nazareth, there were several "Mary of Alphaeus". To specify them, a second link of kinship or affiliation was used. We find this diversity in the Gospel accounts: Jude, the brother of James, Judas, the man (isch) of Kerioth.

This woman was very unhappy. Elise, the tried and tested mother. See previous chapter.

The valleys of Jerusalem and many others resound with the songs of praise of those who have been healed. Cf. EMV 199.3/5.

We please women disciples by going to see Abraham's tomb, his tree: The tomb of the patriarchs: The oak of Mambré near Hebron (Genesis 13:18). Nearby, Abraham acquired the grotto of Macpelah, where he buried his wife Sarah (Genesis 23:19). He himself was buried there (Genesis 25:8-9). Cf. biblical texts below.

The tomb of Jesse: In Hebron, the tomb of Jesse, David's father, and his grandmother Ruth the Moabitess, Boaz's wife, are honored.

This is said to be the place where Adam lived and Abel was killed ... These are indeed Jewish traditions (sometimes embellished) echoed by the Church Fathers (St. Jerome, Origen, St. Amboise, ...).

You wanted to go into that stinking cavern of En-Dor: cf. EMV 188.

Jeanne evangelizes Jerusalem and with her a young girl and a priest: it's John the priest and Annalia. Cf. EMV 199.4-5 and EMV 199.6.

Book of Genesis 13, 18

Gn 13, 18 : Abram pitched his tents and came to live at the oaks of Mambré, which are in Hebron; and there he built an altar to Yahweh.

Book of Genesis 23, 19

Gen 23, 19 : After this, Abraham buried Sarah his wife in the cave of Macpelah, opposite Mambre, which is Hebron, in the land of Chanaan.

Book of Genesis 25, 8-9

Gen 25, 8-9 : Abraham expired and died in a happy old age, old and full of days, and was reunited with his people. 9 Isaac and Ishmael, his sons, buried him in the cave of Machpelah, in the field of Ephron, son of Seor the Hittite, which is opposite Mambre.

GRM 210.4-6 · Volume 3

The Gospel as revealed to me

Quotation

«Father Abraham, help me to bear this in patience!!! And in what do you think the Master prefers others to you?»

«Do you not see that even now? When it was time to leave Bethzur, after stopping to teach three shepherds who could have very well been taught by Isaac, whom does He leave with His mother? Me? you? No. He leaves Simon. An old man who can hardly speak!…»

«But the little he says is always said right» retorts Thomas, who is now alone because the women and Andrew have gone away and are walking fast in front of them as if they wished to get past a stretch of the road where the sun is very warm.

210.5

The two apostles have become so excited that they do not hear Jesus coming, because the noise of His footsteps is completely muffled by the dust of the road. But if He makes no noise, the two are shouting as loud as ten people and Jesus can hear. Behind Him there are Peter, Matthew, the two cousins of the Lord, Philip and Bartholomew and the two sons of Zebedee with Marjiam between them.

Jesus says: «You are right, Thomas. Simon speaks little, but the little he says is always right. His mind is placid and his heart honest. And above all he has a great goodwill. That is why I left him with My Mother. He is a true reliable man and at the same time knows how to live, he has suffered and is old. Therefore – I am saying this because I suppose there is someone who thinks My choice was unfair – therefore he was the most suitable to remain. Judas, I could not allow My Mother to be left alone near a poor woman who is still ill. And it was just that I should leave Her. My Mother will complete the work that I started. But I could not leave Her with My brothers, or with Andrew, James or John, or with you. If you do not understand the reason, I do not know what to say…»

«Because She is Your Mother, She is young, beautiful, and people…»

«No! People will always have filth in their thoughts, on their lips and hands and particularly in their hearts, dishonest people who see their sentiments in everybody else; but I am not concerned with their mud. It falls off by itself, when it is dry. But I preferred Simon because he is old and he would not remind the desolate woman too much of her dead sons. You young men would have recalled them with your youth… Simon knows how to watch without being noticed, he never demands anything, he understands and can control himself. I could have taken Peter. Who would be better than he near My Mother? But he is still too impulsive. You know that I tell him openly, and he takes no offence. Peter is sincere, and he loves sincerity even to his own detriment. I could have taken Nathanael. But he has never been to Judaea before. Simon instead knows the country well and he will be valuable in bringing My Mother to Kerioth. He knows where your country house and the town house are and he will not…»

210.6

«But… Master!… But is Your Mother really coming to mine?»

«We said so. And when you say something, you do it. We shall proceed slowly, stopping to evangelize these villages. Do you not want Me to evangelize Your Judaea?»

«Of course, Master!… But I believed… I thought… »

«Above all you were causing yourself a lot of trouble through your own imagination. By the second phase of the moon of Sivan we shall all be at your mother’s. We, that is also My Mother and Simon. For the time being She is evangelizing Bethzur, a Judaean town, as Johanna is evangelizing Jerusalem with the assistance of a girl and a priest who was previously a leper, as Lazarus with Martha and old Ishmael are evangelizing Bethany, as Juttah is evangelized by Sarah and I am sure that your mother speaks of the Messiah at Kerioth, You cannot certainly say that I have left Judaea without voices. On the contrary, although it is more narrow-minded and stubborn than any other region, I have given it the sweetest voices, the voices of women, beside those of Isaac, a holy man, and of Lazarus, a friend of Mine. A woman knows how to use words with the subtle art of a woman, a mistress in leading souls to where she wants. Are you not speaking any more? Why are you almost weeping, you big moody boy? What is the use of poisoning yourself with shadows? Have you still any reason to be upset? Tell Me! Speak up…»

«I am bad… and You are so good. Your goodness always strikes me, because it is always so fresh and so new… I… I can never tell when I am going to find it on my way.»

«You are right. It is not possible for you to know. Because it is neither fresh nor new. It is eternal, Judas. It is omnipresent, Judas…»

Detail

Judas and Thomas quarrel and the Iscariot blames Jesus for leaving the Virgin Mary in Bet-Çur.

Annotation

On the second quarter of the Ziv moon, we'll all be at your mother's house: Ziv corresponds to April/May.

Jeanne evangelizes Jerusalem and with her a young girl and a priest: this is John the priest and Annalia. Cf. EMV 199.4-5 and EMV 199.6.

GRM 210.7 · Volume 3

The Gospel as revealed to me

Quotation

«Oh! We are near Hebron and Mary, Salome and Andrew are waving their hands to us. Let us go. They are speaking to some men. They must be asking where the historical places are. Your mother is becoming young again by this recollection, my dear brother!»

Judas Thaddeus smiles at his Cousin and Jesus smiles back.

«We are all becoming young!» says Peter. «I seem to be at school once again. But this is a lovely school! Much better than Elisha’s, the grumbler. Do you remember him, Philip? What did we not do to him! Remember the story of the tribes? “Say the towns of the tribes!”; “You did not say them in chorus… Repeat them…”; “Simon, you look like a sleeping frog. You are left behind. Start all over again”. O dear! My head was full of names of towns and villages of bygone days, and I knew nothing else. Instead here, one really learns! Do you know, Marjiam? One of these days your father will be going to sit his exams, now that he has learned…»

They all laugh while going towards Andrew and the women.

GRM 211.1-2 · Volume 3

The Gospel as revealed to me

Quotation

They are all sitting in a circle in a thicket near Hebron and they are eating while speaking to one another. Judas, who is now sure that Mary will go to his mother’s, is in the best of spirits and endeavours to erase the memory of his bad humour with his companions and the women, by showering his attention on them. He must have gone to the village to do the shopping and he says that he has found a great difference in it since last year. «The news of Jesus’ preaching and miracles has reached this place. And the people have begun to ponder many things. Do You know, Master, that Doras has some property in this part of the country? Also Chuza’s wife has some land on these mountains and a castle of her own, as a marriage settlement. Obviously the ground has been prepared both by her and by Doras’ peasants, because some of his men from Esdraelon must be here. He… Doras told them to be quiet. But they!… I don’t think they would be silent even if he tortured them. The death of the old Pharisee greatly surprised everybody, You know? And the very good health of Johanna, who came here before Passover. Ah! Also Aglae’s lover has served You. You know that she ran away shortly after we came here. And he played havoc among many innocent people to avenge himself. So that the people concluded by thinking of You as an avenger of the oppressed and they are now expecting You. I mean the better ones…»

«Avenger of the oppressed! I really am. But in a supernatural way. None of those who see Me with sceptre and axe in My hands as king and executioner according to the spirit of the earth, is right. I certainly came to free people from oppression. From the oppression of sin, which is the most serious, of illness, of desolation; from ignorance and selfishness. Many will learn that it is not fair to oppress people, simply because one has been placed by fate in a high position, and that, on the contrary, a high position should be used to raise up those who are down at the bottom.»

«Lazarus does that, also Johanna. But they are only two against hundreds…» says Philip disconsolately.

«Rivers are not as wide at their sources as they are at their estuaries. A few drops, a trickle of water, but later… There are rivers that look like seas at their mouths.»

«The Nile, eh? Your Mother told me of the time You went to Egypt.She always said to me: “A sea, believe Me, a green-blue sea. To see it in flood is a dream!” and She told me of the plants that seem to spring from the water and of all the greenery that seemed to be left by the receding water…» says Mary of Alphaeus.

«Well, I tell you that, as the Nile at its source is a trickle of water and then becomes the giant it is, so the tiny trickle of great people who for the time being bend with love and out of love over the least of their brothers, will become a multitude later. For the time being Johanna, Lazarus, Martha, but how many, how many!» Jesus seems to be seeing those who will be merciful to their brothers and He smiles, enraptured in His vision.

211.2

Judas confides that the head of the synagogue wanted to come with him, but he did not dare to make a decision by himself: «Do you remember, John, how he drove us away[1] last year?»

«I remember… But let us ask the Master.»

And when Jesus is questioned He says that they will go into Hebron. If the people want them, they will call them and they will stop; otherwise they will pass without pausing.

«So we shall also see the Baptist’s house. To whom does it belong now?»

«To whoever wants it, I think. Shammai went away and never came back. He took away servants and furniture. The citizens to avenge themselves of his abuse of power, knocked the enclosure wall down, and the house now belongs to anybody. At least the garden does. They gather there to venerate their Baptist. They say that Shammai was murdered. I do not know why… apparently because of women…»

«Certainly some filthy plot at court!…» whispers Nathanael through his beard.

Annotation

Judas, now that he's sure Mary will go to her mother, has returned to a better frame of mind. Judas, in fact, was in a foul mood in theEMV 210.

Even Kouza's wife has land and a castle here on these mountains that belong to her personally, part of her dowry. Probably Béther's castle.

The old Pharisee's death struck people with astonishment, you know? Cf. the dramatic death of Doras in EMV 126.10.

Just like Jeanne's excellent health. Cf. Jeanne de Kouza's healing in EMV 102.7.

Judas confides that the head of the synagogue wanted to come with him, but didn't dare make the decision on his own: "Do you remember, John, how he drove us out last year?" Cf. EMV 77.8.

GRM 211.1

The Gospel as revealed to me

Detail

All the apostles - except Simon the Zealot, who is with Mary at Elise de Bet-çur - are present in the chapter, even if they don't necessarily speak. In EMV 211, Judas, John, Philip, Nathanael and Thomas intervene very briefly.

GRM 211.2 · Volume 3

The Gospel as revealed to me

Quotation

Judas confides that the head of the synagogue wanted to come with him, but he did not dare to make a decision by himself: «Do you remember, John, how he drove us away[1] last year?»

«I remember… But let us ask the Master.»

And when Jesus is questioned He says that they will go into Hebron. If the people want them, they will call them and they will stop; otherwise they will pass without pausing.

«So we shall also see the Baptist’s house. To whom does it belong now?»

«To whoever wants it, I think. Shammai went away and never came back. He took away servants and furniture. The citizens to avenge themselves of his abuse of power, knocked the enclosure wall down, and the house now belongs to anybody. At least the garden does. They gather there to venerate their Baptist. They say that Shammai was murdered. I do not know why… apparently because of women…»

«Certainly some filthy plot at court!…» whispers Nathanael through his beard.

Annotation

Concerning the head of the synagogue, seeEMV 77.8.

GRM 211.4

The Gospel as revealed to me

Quotation

«Bring Me your sick people and then gather in this garden, which has been abandoned and was desecrated by sin, after it had been made a temple for the Grace that lived in it.»

The people of Hebron spread out in all directions as fast as swallows. Only the head of the synagogue remains and together with Jesus and the disciples he goes in beyond the enclosure of the garden, to the shade of a bower where entangled roses and vines have grown wild. The population is soon back. With them there is a paralytic in a stretcher, a blind young woman, a dumb boy and two sick people, whose trouble I do not know. The last two are walking supported by other people.

Jesus greets each sick person saying: «Peace to you.» Then He asks the kind question: «What do you want Me to do for you?» followed by the chorus of lamentations, as each one wishes to tell his own story.

Jesus, Who was sitting, stands up and goes to the dumb boy, whose lips He wets with His saliva and utters the great word: «Open.» And He repeats it wetting the sealed eyelids of the woman with His finger moistened with saliva. He then stretches out His hand to the paralytic and says to him: «Rise!», and finally He imposes His hands on the two sick people saying: «Be cured, in the name of the Lord!». And the boy who previously mumbled, says distinctly: «Mummy!», while the young woman winks at the light with her unsealed eyelids, and with her fingers protects her eyes from the unknown sun, weeping and laughing, and looks again, with half open eyes, not being accustomed to the light, at the leaves, the earth, the people and particularly at Jesus. The paralytic comes boldly off the stretcher and his compassionate bearers lift it, empty as it is, to make the people afar understand that the grace has been granted, while the two sick people cry for joy and kneel down to venerate their Saviour.

The crowds are frantically shouting hosanna, Thomas, who is near Judas, looks at him so intensely and with such a clear expression, that Judas declares to him: «I was foolish, forgive me.»

Annotation

Thomas, who is standing next to Judas, looks at him so intensely and with such a clear expression that Judas replies, "I was a fool, forgive me." This follows a discussion between Thomas and Judas, in which the Iscariot accused Jesus of no longer performing miracles. Cf. EMV 210.

GRM 212.8 · Volume 3

The Gospel as revealed to me

Quotation

I am reading again what I wrote yesterday, rewriting some incomprehensible words, out of pity for your eyes, Father. It is distressing to read it… it is so inferior to what I felt while describing my mood! And yet, to be helped to say what the Lord made me feel, lest I should describe it in the wrong way and also for my own relief – because it is also painful, you know? – I invoked my St. John. I said to him: «You know these things very well. You experienced them. Help me.» And I was comforted by his presence, by his smile of an eternal good simple-minded man and by his caress. But now I feel that my poor word is so inferior to the feelings I experienced… All human things are straw, only the supernatural is gold. And a human being cannot even describe it.