55.4 Peter mumbles something. Jesus hears him.
«What is the matter with you, Peter? You either grumble or are silent. You seem to be discontented. Why?»
«I am discontented. We were the first and You did not work a miracle for us. We were the first and You let a stranger sit beside You. We were the first and You entrust him, not us, with a task. We were the first and… yet, yes, we seem to be the last ones. Why are You going to wait for them on the road near the river? Certainly to entrust them with some mission. Why them, and not us?»
Jesus looks at him. He is not angry. On the contrary He smiles as one smiles at a child. He gets up, goes slowly over to Peter and, smiling, says to him: «Peter! Peter! You are a big, old baby!» And He says to Andrew, who is sitting beside his brother: «Go and take My seat» and He sits beside Peter, clasping his shoulders with His arm, and He speaks to him, holding him thus against His own shoulder: «Peter, you think I am being unfair, but I am not. On the contrary it is a proof that I know what you are worth. Look. Who needs proof? He who is not yet certain. I knew you were so certain about Me, that I did not feel any need to give you evidence of My power. Proof is required here in Jerusalem, where vices, lack of religion, politics and many worldly things dim souls to such an extent that they can no longer see the Light passing by. But up there, on our beautiful lake, so clear under a clear sky, amongst honest and good willing people, no proof is required. You will have miracles. I will pour torrents of graces upon you. But consider how I valued you, I took you without demanding any proof and without finding it necessary to give you any, because I know who you are. You are dear to Me, so dear, and so faithful.»
Peter cheers up: «Forgive me, Jesus.»
«Yes, I forgive you because your sulkiness is a sign of love. But do not be envious any more, Simon of Jonas. Do you know what the heart of your Jesus is? Have you ever seen the sea, the real sea? You have? Well, My heart is bigger than the immense sea! And there is room for everybody. For the whole of mankind. And the smallest person has a place just like the greatest. And a sinner finds love just like an innocent. I am entrusting these with a mission. Certainly. Do you want to forbid Me? I chose you. You did not choose yourselves. I am therefore free to decide how I want to employ you. And if I leave them here with a mission — which might well be a test, as the lapse of time granted to the Iscariot may be due to mercy — can you reproach Me? How do you know that I am not keeping a greater mission for you? And is not the nicest mission to be told: “You will come with me”?»
«It is true. I am a blockhead! Forgive me…»
«Yes. I forgive everything. Oh! Peter!… But I beg you all never to discuss merits and positions. I could have been born a king. I was born poor, in a stable. I could have been rich. I lived with My work and now I live out of charity. And yet, believe Me, My friends, there is no one greater than I in the eyes of God. Greater than I am, Who am here: the servant of man.»
«You a servant? Never!»
«Why not, Peter?»
«Because I will serve You.»
«Even if You served Me as a mother serves her child, I have come to serve man. I will be a Saviour for him. What service is there like that?»
«Oh! Master! You explain everything. And what seemed dark becomes clear at once!»
«Are you happy now, Peter? 55.5 Now let Me finish talking to Thomas.»