Notes for this theme
Reading comfort
GRM 186.4 · Volume 3
The natural reason is not to stimulate the blood by means of food that causes a heat unbecoming of man, who is not forbidden also carnal love, but must always moderate it with the freshness of his soul tending to Heaven. Man must therefore make sure that the sentiment that joins him to his wife, in whom he must see a fellow creature like himself, not a female, is love, not sensuality.
GRM 186.5-6
Translation in progress
GRM 187.1-3 · Volume 3
Jesus dismisses the boats saying: «I am not coming back» and followed by His apostles, and across the area which appeared to be very fertile also from the opposite shore, He turns His steps towards a mountain, which appears towards the south-west.
The apostles are walking in silence, communicating with one another only by casting glances. In fact they are not enthusiastic for the journey across this beautiful but wild area, which is full of bog grass that gets entangled with their feet; of reeds that cause drizzle of dew to fall on their heads from the edges of the leaves; of hazels that strike their faces with the hard canes of their dry fruit; of willow trees the fragile branches of which hang down everywhere tickling them; of treacherous patches of grass that seems to be growing on solid ground, whereas it conceals puddles of water into which their feet sink, they are in fact patches of foxtails and tares, growing in tiny pools and so thick as to conceal the element in which they have come up.
Jesus, instead, seems to be extremely happy in the midst of all that greenery and the thousand hues of all the flowers, which creep on the ground, or stand upright, or cling to other plants to climb up, forming thin festoons strewn with light convolvuli of a very delicate mallow pink, or forming delicate blue carpets for the thousand corollas of water myosotises, which open the perfect cups of white, pink, blue corollas among the large flat
leaves of the water lilies. Jesus admires the tufts of the water reeds, as soft as silk and pearled with dew, and He bends joyfully to watch the delicate features of foxtails, which lay an emerald veil on the water. He stops ecstatically in front of the nests which the birds are building, flying happily to and fro, trilling, darting from branch to branch, working joyfully, with their beaks full of wisps of hay, of down of reeds, of flocks of wool picked on hedges, which had torn it from migrating sheep… He seems the happiest person in the world. Where is the world with its wickedness, falsehood, sorrows, snares? The world is beyond this green flowery oasis, where everything scents, shines, smiles, sings. This is the earth created by the Father and not desecrated by man and man can be forgotten here.
187.2
He wants to share His happiness with the others. But He does not find a favourable ground. The hearts of the apostles are tired and embittered by so much ill-will and they react against things and also against the Master by means of a stubborn silence, which is like the stillness of the air before a storm. Only His cousin James, the Zealot and John take an interest in what interests Jesus. All the others are… absent, if not hostile. Perhaps they are keeping quiet, not to grumble. But inside they must be speaking, and speaking too much.
It is a more lively exclamation of admiration before the living jewel of a kingfisher which flies down, taking a little silver fish to its mate, that makes them open their mouths.
Jesus says: «Can there be anything more gentle?»
Peter replies: «Perhaps not more gentle… but I can assure You that a boat is more comfortable. Here it is damp just the same, but we are not comfortable…»
«I would prefer the track for caravans to this… garden, if You wish to call it so, and I am in full agreement with Simon» says the Iscariot.
«It was you who did not want the caravan route» replies Jesus.
«Ehi! certainly… But I would not have given in to the Gherghesenes. I would have gone away from there, but I would have continued beyond the river to Gadara, Pella and down to the south» grumbles Bartholomew.
And his great friend Philip concludes: «The roads belong to everybody, after all, and we could have passed through them well.»
«My friends! I am so anguished and disgusted… Do not increase My grief with your pettiness! Let Me seek some comfort in things which do not know how to hate…»
The reproach, kind in its sadness, moves the apostles.
«You are right, Master. We are not worthy of You. Forgive our foolishness. You can see the beautiful, because You are holy You look with the eyes of Your heart. We are coarse flesh and can only perceive coarse flesh… But never mind. Believe me, even if we were in paradise, we would be sad without You. But with You… oh! it is always beautiful for our hearts. It is only our limbs that refuse» many of them whisper.
187.3
«We will soon be going out of here and will find a more comfortable ground, even if not so cool» promises Jesus.
«Where are we going exactly?» asks Peter.
«To give Passover to those who suffer. I have been wanting to do it for a long time. But I could not. I would have done it going back to Galilee. Now that they compel us to go along roads that we have not chosen, I am going to bless Jonah’s poor friends.»
«We will be wasting a lot of time! Passover is near! There are always delays for various reasons.» Another chorus of complaints rises to the sky. I do not know how Jesus can be so patient…
Without reproaching anyone He says: «Please, do not hinder Me! Endeavour to understand My need to love and to be loved. I have but this solace on the earth: to love and do the will of God.»
«And are we going from here? Was it not better to go from Nazareth?»
«If I had suggested that, you would have rebelled. No one will suspect that I am here… and I am doing it for you… because you are afraid.»
«Afraid? Ah! No! We are ready to fight for You.»
«Pray the Lord not to put you to the test. I know that you are quarrelsome, resentful, anxious to offend those who offend Me and to humble your neighbour. I know all that. But I do not know you to be brave. As far as I am concerned, I would have also gone by Myself and along the main road and nothing would have happened because it is not yet the time. But I feel sorry for you. I have to obey My Mother, yes, but I do not want to upset Simon the Pharisee. I will not disgust them. But they will disgust Me.»
«And where do we go from here? I am not familiar with this area» says Thomas.
«We will reach Tabor, we will coast part of it and will go to Nain via Endor; from there to the plain of Esdraelon. Be not afraid!… Doras, the son of Doras, and Johanan are already in Jerusalem.»
GRM 187.3-4 · Volume 3
«And where do we go from here? I am not familiar with this area» says Thomas.
«We will reach Tabor, we will coast part of it and will go to Nain via Endor; from there to the plain of Esdraelon. Be not afraid!… Doras, the son of Doras, and Johanan are already in Jerusalem.»
187.4
«Oh! It will be beautiful! They say that from the summit, from a certain spot, one can see the Great Sea, the Sea of Rome. I like it so much! Will You take us to see it?» John begs with his kind childish face raised towards Jesus.
«Why do you like to see it so much?» asks Jesus caressing him.
«I do not know… Because it is huge and you cannot see its end… It makes me think of God… When we were up on Lebanon I saw the sea for the first time, because I had never been anywhere else, except along the Jordan or on our little sea… and I was moved so much that I wept. So much blue! So much water! And it never overflows!… What a wonderful thing! And the stars make paths of light on the sea… Oh! do not laugh at me! I looked at the golden way of the sun until I was dazzled, at the silvery way of the moon, until I could see nothing but whiteness and I saw them getting lost far far away. Those ways spoke to me. They said: “God is in that infinite distance and these are the ways of fire and purity, which a soul must follow to go to God. Come. Dive into the infinite, travelling on these two ways, and you will find the Infinite One”.»
«You are a poet, John» says Thaddeus admiringly.
«I do not know whether this is poetry. I know that it inflames my heart.»
«But you have seen the sea also at Caesarea and at Ptolomais, and quite close, too. We were on the beach! I do not see the need to go all that way to see some more sea water. After all… we were born on the water…» remarks James of Zebedee.
«And we are in it now as well, unfortunately!» exclaims Peter, who diverting his mind for a moment to listen to John, has not noticed a treacherous puddle and has got soaked… They all laugh, and he laughs too.
But John replies: «That is true. But from high above it is more beautiful. You see more and farther. You think that it is deeper and vaster… You wish… you dream…» and John is already dreaming… He looks in front of himself and smiles at his dream… He looks like a flesh-coloured rose spread with minute dew drops, so downy becomes his smooth clear skin of a young fair-haired man and as it gets sprinkled with a light perspiration it looks more like the petal of a rose.
«What do you wish? What are you dreaming?» Jesus asks His favourite disciple in a low voice and He looks like a father who questions a dear son speaking in his sleep. Jesus speaks to John’s soul, questioning him so gently as not to spoil the dream of His loving disciple.
«I wish to go onto the infinite sea… towards other lands beyond it. I wish to go and speak of You. I am dreaming… of going towards Rome, towards Greece, towards dark places to take the Light there… so that those living in darkness may get in touch with You and may live in communion with You, Light of the world… I am dreaming of a better world… to be bettered through the knowledge of You, that is, through the knowledge of the Love that makes people good, pure, heroic, of the Love that makes the world love and raise Your Name, Your Faith, Your Doctrine above hatred, sin, flesh, above the vices of the mind, above gold, above everything… and I dream of going with my brothers on the sea of God, on the road of light to take You… as Your Mother once brought You down to us from Heaven… I dream that I am a child, who knowing nothing but love, is happy also when facing trouble… and sings to comfort the adults who ponder too much, and moves forward… facing death smiling… towards glory with the humility of one who does not know what he is doing, but knows only that he is coming to You, Love…»
The apostles have not breathed during John’s ecstatic confessions… They remained still where they were, looking at the youngest one speaking with his eyes covered by his eyelids, like a veil thrown over the ardour rising from his heart, and looking at Jesus Who is enraptured finding Himself so completely in His disciple…
When John stops speaking, slightly bent forward – he reminds me of the gracefulness of the humble Mary of Nazareth – Jesus kisses his forehead saying: «We shall go and contemplate the sea, to let you dream My future Kingdom in the world once again.»
GRM 187.3 · Volume 3
Endeavour to understand My need to love and to be loved. I have but this solace on the earth: to love and do the will of God.
Jesus said to the apostles:
GRM 187.4 · Volume 3
«I wish to go onto the infinite sea… towards other lands beyond it. I wish to go and speak of You. I am dreaming… of going towards Rome, towards Greece, towards dark places to take the Light there… so that those living in darkness may get in touch with You and may live in communion with You, Light of the world… I am dreaming of a better world… to be bettered through the knowledge of You, that is, through the knowledge of the Love that makes people good, pure, heroic, of the Love that makes the world love and raise Your Name, Your Faith, Your Doctrine above hatred, sin, flesh, above the vices of the mind, above gold, above everything… and I dream of going with my brothers on the sea of God, on the road of light to take You… as Your Mother once brought You down to us from Heaven… I dream that I am a child, who knowing nothing but love, is happy also when facing trouble… and sings to comfort the adults who ponder too much, and moves forward… facing death smiling… towards glory with the humility of one who does not know what he is doing, but knows only that he is coming to You, Love…»
John of Zebedee speaks.
GRM 188.1 · Volume 3
Jesus and the apostles have passed Mount Tabor and left it behind them. They are now walking on a plain lying between that mountain and another one facing it, talking of the climb made by them all, although at the beginning the elder ones had not been too keen. But now they are happy they had gone up to the top. The journey is now easy because they are on a main road which is quite comfortable for walking. It is early in the morning because I am under the impression that they have spent the night on the slopes of the Tabor.
«That is Endor» says Jesus pointing to a poor village built on the first heights of the other mountain. «Do you really want to go there?»
«If You wish to make me happy…» responds the Iscariot.
«Let us go, then.»
«But is it a long way?» asks Bartholomew, who, because of his age, is not very keen on walking tours.
«Oh! no! But if you wish to stay…» says Jesus.
«Yes! You may stay. I will go with the Master» says Judas of Kerioth immediately.
«Listen, before making up my mind, I would like to know what there is to be seen… From the top of Mount Tabor we saw the sea and after the boy’s speech I must admit that I saw it properly for the first time and I saw it as You see: with my heart. Here… I would like to know whether there is anything to learn, because in that case I will come even if it is tiresome…» says Peter.
«Do you hear that? You have not yet said what you intend doing. Be kind to your companions and tell us now» says Jesus invitingly.
«Did Saul not go to Endor[1] to consult the necromancer?»
«Yes, he did. So?»
«Well, Master, I would like to go there and hear You speak of Saul.»
«In that case I will come, too!» exclaims Peter full of enthusiasm.
«Let us go then.»
They walk fast along the last stretch of the main road, which they leave to follow a secondary road, which takes straight to Endor.
Emphasis on Bartholomew, Judas, Philip and Simon Peter. The other apostles are present.
GRM 188.2 · Volume 3
«We will now ask where the place of the necromancer was» says Jesus. And He stops a woman who is coming back from the fountain with pitchers.
She looks at Him curiously, then replies impolitely: «I don’t know. I have much more important things to worry about than such nonsense!» and she goes away.
Jesus turns to an old man who is carving a bit of wood.
«The necromancer?… Saul?… Who bothers about them now? But, wait… There is one here who has studied and perhaps he knows… Come with me.»
And the old man climbs laboriously up a stony lane to a very poor and shabby looking house. «He lives here. I will go in and call him.»
Peter, pointing at some poultry scratching about in a dirty yard, says: «This fellow is not an Israelite.» But he says no more because the old man comes back followed by a man blind in one eye, who is as dirty and untidy as everything around his house.
Judas wants to hear about the pythia who spoke to King Saul in the Old Testament. They are led to a house.
GRM 188.3-4 · Volume 3
«Are You an Israelite?» asks the man.
«Yes, I am.»
«I, too, or almost, although I do not look like one. But I lived a long time abroad and I got into many habits, of which these fools here disapprove. I am better than the others. But they say that I am a demon, because I read a great deal, I breed poultry which I sell to the Romans and I can cure people by means of herbs. When young, because of a woman, I quarrelled with a Roman – I was at Cintium then – and I stabbed him. He died, I lost one eye and all my wealth and I was sentenced to life imprisonment. But I knew how to cure people, and I cured the daughter of one of the guards. I thus won his friendship and some freedom… I used it to escape. I acted badly, because the man certainly paid for my flight with his life. But freedom seems so beautiful when one is a prisoner…»
«Is it not really beautiful afterwards?»
«No. Jail, where one is alone, is better than being in contact with men who do not allow you to be alone and come around us to hate us…»
«Did you study philosophy?»
«I was a teacher at Cintium… I was a proselyte…»
«And now?»
«Now I am nothing. I live according to the reality of facts. And I hate, as I was and am still hated.»
«Who hates you?»
«Everybody. And God is the first. She was my wife… and God allowed her to be unfaithful to me and ruin me. I was free and respected, and God allowed me to become a convict serving a life sentence. God abandoned me, men were unfair. Both He and they destroyed me. There is nothing left here…» and he strikes his forehead and his chest. «Rather, here, in my head, there are my thoughts, my knowledge. It is in here that there is nothing» and he spits contemptuously.
«You are wrong. You still have two things there.»
«Which?»
«Remembrance and hatred. Remove them.
188.4
Become really empty… and I will give you something new to put in there.»
«What?»
«Love.»
«Ah! Ah! You make me laugh. I have not laughed for thirty-five years, man. Since I had the proof that the woman was unfaithful to me with the Roman wine merchant. Love! Love to me! It is like me throwing jewels to my chickens! They would die of indigestion, unless they passed them out with their excrement. The same would happen to me. Your love would be a burden to me, if I could not digest it…»
«No, man! Do not say that!» Jesus lays His hand on the man’s shoulder, He is deeply and openly distressed.
The man looks at Him with his only eye and what he sees on that most sweet and beautiful face causes him to be struck dumb and to change his expression. From being sarcastic he becomes very serious and then really sad. He lowers his head and with a different voice he asks: «Who are You?»
«Jesus of Nazareth. The Messiah.»
«You!!!»
«I. Did you not know about Me, since you read so much?»
«I knew… But I did not know that You were alive and… above all, I did not know this. I did not know that You are good to everybody… thus… to murderers too… Forgive me for what I said… about God and love… Now I understand why You want to give me love… Because without love the world is hell, and You the Messiah want to make a paradise of it.»
«A paradise in every heart. Give Me the remembrance and the hatred that make you ill and let Me put love into your heart!»
«Oh! I wish I had known You before!… then… But when I killed, You were certainly not born yet… But later… when I was free, as free as a snake in a forest, I lived to poison people with my hatred.»
«But you did some good as well. Did you not say that you cured people by means of herbs?»
«Yes. To be tolerated. But how many times I had to struggle against my desire to poison people by means of potions!… See? I took refuge here because… it is a place where the world is ignored and which the world ignores. A cursed place. In other places I hated and was hated and I was afraid of being recognised… But I am wicked.»
«You regret having harmed the prison guard. Do you not see that there is still some goodness in you? You are not wicked… Your only trouble is that you have a large open wound, which nobody is curing… Your goodness runs out of it as blood from a wound. But if someone would cure your wound and heal it, My dear brother, goodness would increase in you, because it would no longer vanish as it forms…»
The man weeps with a bent head trying to conceal his tears. Only Jesus Who is walking beside him notices them. He notices but does not say anything else.
Jesus is talking to a one-eyed man he has just met. His name is Felix, and he's full of hatred for God and man.
So many times I've struggled against the desire to poison with philtres!... The filter is used to clear a liquid of its impurities. A philtre is a magical beverage generally used to obtain love.
GRM 188.4 · Volume 3
«(...) Without love the world is hell, and You the Messiah want to make a paradise of it.»
«A paradise in every heart.»