«I am an old teacher and… an old pupil. I have been learning since I was born. First I learned to vegetate, then I observed life, then I became acquainted with the bitterness of life, I practised a useless justice, the justice of “man alone” against God and society. God punished me with remorse, society with fetters, so, after all, I was the victim of justice. At last, now, I have learned, I am learning how “to live”. Now, since I am a teacher and a pupil, you will realise that it is natural for me to repeat the lessons.»
«But I am an apostle…»
«And I am a poor wretch, I know, and I should never take the liberty of teaching you. But, see, you never know what one may become. I thought I was going to die an honest and respected teacher in Cyprus and I became a murderer and a convict serving a life sentence. But when I raised a knife to take vengeance, and when I was dragging the fetters hating the universe, if anyone told me that I was to become a disciple of the Holy One, I would have doubted whether his mind was sound. And yet… Here I am! So, I may be able to give a good lesson also to you, an apostle. Because of my experience. Not because of my holiness, I would not dream of it.»
«That Roman was right in calling you Diogenes.»
«Of course. But Diogenes was looking for a man and could not find one. I, luckier than he, found a snake where I thought there was a woman, and an adulterer where I thought I saw a friendly man, but after wandering about for many years, as I became insane through such experience, I have found the Man, the Holy One.»
«I know no other wisdom but Israel’s.»
«If that is so, you already have the means for salvation. But now you have also the science, or rather the wisdom of God.»
«It is the same thing.»
«Oh! no! It is like a foggy day compared to a sunny day.»
«Well! Are you anxious to teach me? I don’t feel like it.»
«Let me speak! Once, I used to speak to children: they were absent-minded. Then I spoke to shadows, they cursed me. Then to chickens: they were better, far better than the first two groups. Now I speak to myself, as I am not yet able to speak to God. Why do you want to stop me? I have but one eye, the mines ruined my life, I have suffered from heart trouble for years. At least let my mind be fruitful.»
«Jesus is God.»
«I know, and I believe it. More than you do. Because I have revived through His work, you have not. No matter how good He is, He is still God, and I, a poor wretch dare not treat Him with familiarity as you do. My soul speaks to Him… my lips dare not. My soul does, and I think that He perceives it weeping out of gratitude and repentant love.»
195.2
«That is true, John. I do perceive your soul.» Jesus comes into the conversation of the two. Judas blushes with shame, the man of Endor with joy. «I perceive your soul, that is true. And I perceive also the work of your mind. What you said is correct. When you have been formed in Me, your experience as a teacher and a diligent pupil will be of great help to you. Speak, do speak, also to yourself.»