71.1 I see Jesus with Judas Iscariot walking up and down near one of the gates of the Temple enclosure.
«Are You sure he will come?» asks Judas.
«I am certain. He was leaving Bethany at dawn and at Gethsemane he was to meet My first disciple…»
There is a pause, then Jesus stops and stares at Judas. He is standing in front of him. He studies him. He then places a hand on his shoulder and asks: «Why, Judas, do you not tell Me your thoughts?»
«Which thoughts? I have no special thought, Master, at the present moment. I ask You even too many questions. You certainly cannot complain of my silence.»
«You ask Me many questions and You give Me many details on the town and its inhabitants. But you do not unburden yourself to Me. What do you think it matters to Me what you tell Me about the wealth of people and the members of this or that family? I am not an idler who has come here to while away the time. You know why I have come. And you may well realise that I am concerned with being the Master of My disciples, as the most important thing. I therefore want sincerity and trust from them.
71.2 Was your father fond of you, Judas?»
«He was very fond of me. He was proud of me. When I went back home from school, and even later, when I went back to Kerioth from Jerusalem, he wanted me to tell him everything. He took an interest in everything I did and he would rejoice if they were good things, he would comfort me if they were not so good, if – sometimes, You know, we all make mistakes – if I had made a mistake and had been blamed for it, he would show me the fairness of the reproach I had received, or the injustice of my action. But he did it so gently… he seemed like an older brother. He always ended by saying: “I am saying this because I want my Judas to be just. I want to be blessed through my son”. My father…»
Jesus, Who has been carefully studying His disciple all the time, truly moved at the evocation of his father, says: «Now, Judas, be sure of what I am going to tell you. Nothing will make your father so happy, as your being a faithful disciple. Your father, who brought you up as you said, must have been a just man and his soul will rejoice, where he is awaiting the light, seeing that you are My disciple. But in order to be such, you must say to yourself: “I have found my lost father, the father who was like an older brother to me, I have found him in my Jesus, and I will tell Him everything, as I used to tell my beloved father, over whose death I am still mourning, that I may receive from Him guidance, blessings or a kind reproach”. May God grant it, and above all may you behave so that Jesus will always say to you: “You are good. I bless you”.»
«Oh! yes, Jesus! If You love me so much, I will strive to be good, as You want and my father wanted me to be. And my mother will no longer have an aching pain in her heart. She used to say: “You have no guide now, my son, and you still need one so much”. When she knows that I have You!»
«I will love you as no other man could possibly love you, I will love you so much, I do love you. Do not disappoint Me.»
«No, Master, I will not. I was full of conflicts. Envy, jealousy, eagerness to excel, sensuality, everything clashed in me against the voice of my conscience. Even quite recently, see? You caused me to suffer. That is: no, not You. It was my wicked nature… I thought I was Your first disciple… and, now You have just told me that You already have one.»
«You saw him yourself. Do you not remember that at Passover I was in the Temple with many Galileans?»
«I thought they were friends… I thought I was the first one to be chosen for such destiny, and that I was therefore the dearest.»
«There are no distinctions in My heart between the first and the last. If the first one should err and the last one were a holy man, then there would be a distinction in the eyes of God. But I will love just the same: I will love the holy living man with a blissful love, and the sinner with a suffering love.»