«And where do we go from here? I am not familiar with this area» says Thomas.
«We will reach Tabor, we will coast part of it and will go to Nain via Endor; from there to the plain of Esdraelon. Be not afraid!… Doras, the son of Doras, and Johanan are already in Jerusalem.»
187.4
«Oh! It will be beautiful! They say that from the summit, from a certain spot, one can see the Great Sea, the Sea of Rome. I like it so much! Will You take us to see it?» John begs with his kind childish face raised towards Jesus.
«Why do you like to see it so much?» asks Jesus caressing him.
«I do not know… Because it is huge and you cannot see its end… It makes me think of God… When we were up on Lebanon I saw the sea for the first time, because I had never been anywhere else, except along the Jordan or on our little sea… and I was moved so much that I wept. So much blue! So much water! And it never overflows!… What a wonderful thing! And the stars make paths of light on the sea… Oh! do not laugh at me! I looked at the golden way of the sun until I was dazzled, at the silvery way of the moon, until I could see nothing but whiteness and I saw them getting lost far far away. Those ways spoke to me. They said: “God is in that infinite distance and these are the ways of fire and purity, which a soul must follow to go to God. Come. Dive into the infinite, travelling on these two ways, and you will find the Infinite One”.»
«You are a poet, John» says Thaddeus admiringly.
«I do not know whether this is poetry. I know that it inflames my heart.»
«But you have seen the sea also at Caesarea and at Ptolomais, and quite close, too. We were on the beach! I do not see the need to go all that way to see some more sea water. After all… we were born on the water…» remarks James of Zebedee.
«And we are in it now as well, unfortunately!» exclaims Peter, who diverting his mind for a moment to listen to John, has not noticed a treacherous puddle and has got soaked… They all laugh, and he laughs too.
But John replies: «That is true. But from high above it is more beautiful. You see more and farther. You think that it is deeper and vaster… You wish… you dream…» and John is already dreaming… He looks in front of himself and smiles at his dream… He looks like a flesh-coloured rose spread with minute dew drops, so downy becomes his smooth clear skin of a young fair-haired man and as it gets sprinkled with a light perspiration it looks more like the petal of a rose.
«What do you wish? What are you dreaming?» Jesus asks His favourite disciple in a low voice and He looks like a father who questions a dear son speaking in his sleep. Jesus speaks to John’s soul, questioning him so gently as not to spoil the dream of His loving disciple.
«I wish to go onto the infinite sea… towards other lands beyond it. I wish to go and speak of You. I am dreaming… of going towards Rome, towards Greece, towards dark places to take the Light there… so that those living in darkness may get in touch with You and may live in communion with You, Light of the world… I am dreaming of a better world… to be bettered through the knowledge of You, that is, through the knowledge of the Love that makes people good, pure, heroic, of the Love that makes the world love and raise Your Name, Your Faith, Your Doctrine above hatred, sin, flesh, above the vices of the mind, above gold, above everything… and I dream of going with my brothers on the sea of God, on the road of light to take You… as Your Mother once brought You down to us from Heaven… I dream that I am a child, who knowing nothing but love, is happy also when facing trouble… and sings to comfort the adults who ponder too much, and moves forward… facing death smiling… towards glory with the humility of one who does not know what he is doing, but knows only that he is coming to You, Love…»
The apostles have not breathed during John’s ecstatic confessions… They remained still where they were, looking at the youngest one speaking with his eyes covered by his eyelids, like a veil thrown over the ardour rising from his heart, and looking at Jesus Who is enraptured finding Himself so completely in His disciple…
When John stops speaking, slightly bent forward – he reminds me of the gracefulness of the humble Mary of Nazareth – Jesus kisses his forehead saying: «We shall go and contemplate the sea, to let you dream My future Kingdom in the world once again.»