GRM 203.3-4 · Volume 3
The Gospel as revealed to me
Quotation
One of you has suffered very much during the past days. He suffered undeservedly, also because of his effort to repress his indignation aroused by the undeserved deed. Yes, Simon of Jonah, come here. Not one throb of your honest heart has been concealed from Me, neither has there been any grief that I have not shared with you. Both I and your companions…»
«But You, my Lord, have been offended more than I was! And that was for me a greater pain,… no… a more sensitive… no, not that… a more… more. Well: that Judas should have loathed to be present at my feast, has hurt me as a man. But to see You grieved and offended has hurt me in a different way and I suffered twice as much… I… I do not want to boast and show off by using Your words… But I must say, and if it is due to pride in me, tell me, I must say that I suffered with my soul… and it hurts more.»
«It is not pride, Simon. You suffered spiritually, because Simon of Jonah, a fisherman in Galilee, is changing into Peter of Jesus, the Master of the spirit, so that also His disciples are becoming active and wise in the spirit. It is for this progress of Yours in the life of the spirit, it is because of such progress of you all, that I want to teach you the prayer this evening. How much you have changed after the solitary retreat!»
«Everybody, Lord?» asks Bartholomew who sounds rather incredulous.
«I understand what you mean… But I am speaking to you eleven. Not to anyone else…»
«But what is the matter with Judas of Simon, Master? We do not understand him any more… He seemed so changed, but now, since we left the lake…» says Andrew desolately.
«Be quiet, brother. I have the key to the mystery! A little bit of Beelzebub has stuck to him. He went to look for it in the cave at Endor to astonish us… and he was served as he deserved! The Master said it on that day… At Gamala the demons rushed into the pigs. At Endor the demons came out of that poor wretch of John into him… We know that… we know that… Let me tell them, Master! I have it here, in my throat, and if I do not say it, it will not come out and it will poison me…»
«Be good, Simon!»
«Yes, Master… and I would assure You that I will not be rude to him. But I say and think that since Judas is a vicious fellow – and we all know that – he is somewhat similar to a pig… and obviously demons willingly choose pigs when… changing their dwelling places. There it is: I have said it.»
«Do you think it is thus?» asks James of Zebedee.
«What else can it be! There is no other reason why he should be so difficult. He is worse now than he was at the Clear Water! And there one might have thought that the place and the season made him so nervous. But now…»
203.4
«There is another reason, Simon…»
«Tell us, Master. I will be happy to change my mind about my companion.»
«Judas is jealous. He is agitated because he is jealous.»
«Jealous? Of whom? He is not married, and even if he were, and went with women, I think that none of us would be rude to a fellow disciple…»
«He is jealous of Me. Just think: Judas changed after Endor and after Esdraelon. That is, when he saw that I was taking care of John and of Jabez. But now that John, above all, John, will be going away, as he will be leaving Me and staying with Isaac, you will see that Judas will become merry and good once again…»
«Well!… But You are not going to tell me that he is not possessed by a little demon. And above all… No, I will say it! And above all You will not tell me that he has improved during these last months. I was jealous as well, last year… I would not have liked anybody except the six of us, the first six, do You remember? Now, now… Let me invoke God just this once as witness to what I am going to say. Now I say that the more the disciples increase in numbers around You, the happier I am. Oh! I would like to bring all men to You and I would also like to have all the necessary means to help those who are in need, so that misery may not hinder anyone from coming to You. God sees whether I am telling the truth. But why am I thus now? Because I let You change me. He… has not changed. On the contrary… Yes, Master… A little demon has possessed him…»
«Do not say that. Do not think that. Pray that he may be cured. Jealousy is a disease…»
«Of which one can be cured beside You, if one wants to. Ah! I will put up with him, for Your sake… But, how difficult it is!…»
«I gave you a prize for that: the boy. And now I will teach you how to pray…»
«Oh! yes, Brother. Let us speak of that… and let us remember my namesake only as one who is in need of prayer. I think he has already had his punishment. He is not with us just now!» says Judas Thaddeus.
Detail
Simon Peter's suffering at the hands of Judas and the Iscariot's jealousy of John of Endor. Some of the apostles intervene during this exchange.
Annotation
My namesake: Judas and Jude are the same first name, even if the French used different forms.