GRM 214.6 · Volume 3
The Gospel as revealed to me
Quotation
That woman of Bethzur became almost insane when her sons died, did she not? But I swear it to You, sometimes I have thought and still think, looking at my Judas who is handsome, healthy, intelligent, but he is not good, not virtuous, not righteous in his soul, not sound in his feeling, I often think that I would prefer to mourn him dead rather than know that he is disliked by God. But tell me, what do You think of my son? Be frank. This question has been tormenting my heart for over a year. But whom could I ask? The citizens? They did not yet know that the Messiah existed and that Judas wanted to go with Him. I knew. He told me when he came here after Passover, elated, violent, as usual, when he has a sudden fancy, and as usual, scornful of his mother’s advice. His friends in Jerusalem? A holy prudence and a pious hope prevented me. I did not want to say: “Judas is following the Messiah” to those whom I cannot love because they are everything but saints. And I hoped that his fancy notion would vanish, like many others, like all of them, even at the cost of tears and desolation, as happened in the case of more than one girl whom he charmed here and elsewhere, but never married. Do you know that there are places where he will no longer go because he may receive a fair punishment? Also his being of the Temple was a whim. He does not know what he wants. Never. His father, may God forgive him, spoiled him. I never had any authority on the two men in my house. I could but weep and make amends with all kinds of humiliation… When Johanna died — and although no one told me, I know that she died of a broken heart when Judas told her that he did not want to get married, after she had been waiting for all her youth, whereas everybody knew that in Jerusalem he had sent friends to a very rich woman who owned stores as far as Cyprus to enquire about her daughter — I had to shed many bitter tears, because of the reproaches of the dead girl’s mother, as if I were an accomplice of my son. No. I am not. I have no authority over him.
Detail
Marie of Kerioth lists all the trouble her son, Judas, has caused her. He behaved badly toward a young woman from Kerioth named Joanna. Ever since then, Joanna’s mother has hated her.
Annotation
This woman from Bet-Zur was driven nearly mad by the death of her sons, wasn’t she? Elise of Bet-Zur. See the following note.